One night, almost eight years ago, a lone figure stood on a bridge somewhere in the vastness of Seoul. She ignored the cameras at her back, the eyes on the other side ever watching (How many pairs? She must have wondered. Ten? Twenty? Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined today). Regardless, she shouted into the night, expressing the one mantra she held so dear to her heart. Because someone had to.

In the months leading up to August of 2007 (and the many, many months after), Taeyeon took on the weight of a leader because it was a birthright—even though it was one she didn’t want. So people wondered if she was ready, if she was fit for it, if she even deserved it. And she had her doubts too—probably more than most, as we are all our own worst critics. But every other member had their own burdens to bear; and so she shouldered hers wordlessly, patiently. Without her knowing, this weight became a part of her. Or perhaps, it has been there all along.

That weight, this “leadership”, is so much a part of her, in fact, that some wonder if she was ever a leader in the first place. Or maybe she had been one at the beginning, out of necessity, but now? What kind of leader, they ask, steps back and stays there, admits to not wanting to be one anyway? It is questions like these that are a constant, and have been since Girls’ Generation debuted almost eight years ago. Doubts as constant as every reassurance that counters each one of them, all trailing behind Taeyeon as she attempts to move forward in the best way she knows how:

By staying constant herself.

At the end of the day, we say a lot of things about whether Taeyeon is or isn’t a leader. But this isn’t meant to be some sort of “Kid Leader” analysis in that regard—as much as it’s been sounding like one, we’ve got quite a few of those already. So let’s shift gears. Because in reality, despite our individual opinions, one aspect stands out that we can perhaps all agree on:

Whether we find it a leader-like quality or not, Taeyeon is nothing if not reliable, in all senses of the word.

Whether it’s practically rolling on the floor at a poorly attempted bathroom joke, or giving the most earth-shattering performance onstage to date, Taeyeon will always deliver—of that, we can be sure. Of course, people do change over the years; it’s to be expected. But the core of the person that is Kim Taeyeon, the essence of the nineteen-year-old who drew all eyes upon her with that powerful opening phrase of “Into The New World”, and then proceeded to charm us with not only her dorkiness, but her awareness of others—that’s what will always stay the same.

Taeyeon doesn’t tell as much as she shows. Of course, that’s not to say that she won’t speak up if she has to, or if she’s feeling comfortable enough to do so. But even otherwise, it’s all still there in her actions; and “it” is not just about stepping back from that spotlight that she perhaps didn’t even want in the first place. “It” is the gestures to members accidentally dancing out of place. “It” is the photos on Instagram of her and her mother’s smiling faces. “It” is holding up an iPad to the window so fans can see her thanks. And we do see that, and more.

Yes: when she can’t seem express herself properly in words, we still see “it”: Kim Taeyeon. And not only that, but we hear “it” in her laugh, feel “it” in our bones, know it—get ready for the cheesiness—in our hearts. This is the Taeyeon who will never change, and we would never want her to.

What was it that Taeyeon had said, all those years ago, on that lonely bridge in a big, big city? With so many cameras, so many eyes, looking on, watching. Waiting. To all of them, to herself, she’d said:

“I can do it!”

And she did. She is. She will.

She fights all odds with her own oddities, including (but certainly not limited to) her ahjumma tendencies and her mild fascination with the macabre. But also, more importantly, she moves forward with herself: she’s a constant, barreling forward but never ahead—a shining beam that quietly supports her members, her family, her friends, her fans—whether we are aware of it or not. And in return, we will be with her, always.

This year was perhaps harder than most, and there may well be further difficulties in the future. But Taeyeon, you’ll be ready to face it, as you have constantly, bravely, every day since that one night you declared that you would.

Have a happy, happy birthday. Because you certainly deserve it.

Sources: Kilovolt TY, ONE-9.NET, TANGPA, RGB 탱시대, [email protected], [email protected]
Written by: moonrise31@soshified